Get Naked with Money

Two areas that cause great pleasure and pain in a marriage: Sex and Money. How a husband and wife treat one another in these areas is critical-they are the foundations for safety in the marriage. They both address these questions.

-Are we working together toward the same goal?

-Although our roles are different, are we committed to one another-to our marriage?

-Will our relationship have priority over our individual desires?

-Can I trust you?

In our foundations for safety, these are the places where we find security and where we are exposed to pain. Our most vulnerable places are the places of greatest importance. Pay attention to them in order to protect the marriage before it starts.

No one is going to argue that sexual chemistry is really helpful when talking about the success or the challenges of a marriage. However, husbands and wives too often overlook the importance of financial chemistry.

If you and your spouse-to-be haven't talked much about how we will spend our money, start now! Yes, it will be awkward and uncomfortable. Get naked with money!

Budget? A budget is a tool. It is not a measurement of success. Because life is unpredictable, planning is difficult. Unexpected things happen, and people fail to stay within their budget. They too often give up.

Budgeting is about planning, choices, and making good decisions. It is a tool to provide information. Good decisions are based on good information.

Budgets can be simple or complex. Very simply stated, the amount of money being spent needs to be less than the amount of money being earned.

Combined or Separate-Is it our money, or is it my money and your money? Whoever has the money has the power. If a couple doesn't perceive it as our money, there will be issues of power and control in the marriage. Those are topics that threaten safety, so they aren't helpful.

Both men and women tend to carry money in their own wallets, but it can still be considered our money even though we both hold onto some of it. Some insist on separate bank accounts; the problem with this setup is that it can reinforce the belief of my money and your money.

Regardless of the decision, look for the solution that eliminates suspicion and encourages trust.

Debt-Contrary to popular belief, life can be lived without debt. Debt is about getting stuff and paying for it for it later. If you are not able to pay for the stuff, you risk losing your stuff, and that's scary. Debt threatens security.

Most experts agree that there is acceptable debt, and most people perceive that as a mortgage. Most couples experiencing fights over money have problems with debt far beyond their housing.

Avoiding and eliminating debt is about delayed gratification. Waiting until we save the money for a purchase before we get it requires mature and responsible adults-it's no small coincidence that those are the same ingredients for a successful marriage.

Give 10% of your money. Be generous. Make it a priority. If you wait to pay all the bills and give out of the remaining, you will never give a nickel. Marriage thrives in selflessness and dies in selfishness. Giving takes the focus off us and onto others. Find a cause greater than yourselves and give generously!

Save 10%. Cars break down, people get sick, and companies lay people off from their jobs. Unexpected things are never expected. They are guaranteed! Plan ahead. First, build an emergency fund of $1,000 and agree what defines an emergency. Then, save 3 months minimum living expenses if the income is lost. Finally, save for future dreams.

Live off 80%. If you can't spend less than what you make, the only options are to make more money or to reduce what you spend. If you can live on your 80%, then you may be able to adjust further to more quickly reduce debt or increase savings-both are steps that will lead to reaching your dreams.

Difficult economic times come and go. Some last longer than others. Since a marriage is intended to last a lifetime, prepare for the storms that will surely come many times. Although they will be difficult, your marriage relationship will weather them well.