Helping Your Child Adjust to Your Second Marriage: 9 Important Tips

Getting married can be a blissful experience, even when it’s the second time around. If you already have children from a previous relationship, it can feel foreign to start anew. Blended families are natural, but you may need to navigate an adjustment period to help your kid out.

 

What to Consider About the Second Marriage

Plenty of parents and their children flourish after a second marriage. An estimated 488,707 women went through remarriage in 2021. Marrying another person after being widowed or becoming a divorcee is a unique event, bringing your new partner into your family.

That said, your child will also have their own experience of the events. In their eyes, there may be feelings of betrayal and abandonment from their parents. They may also feel conflicted about what love is supposed to look like. Most fictional stories romanticize having one great true love.

Some children will have negative feelings about a second marriage. Older kids may have more apathy or have become independent of their parents. Some go as far as closing down related conversations and cutting ties. These reactions can be complex, but managing your feelings is essential.

If you have had positive or neutral experiences with your child regarding your love life or remarriage, that’s a great sign. It indicates their openness to your second marriage and getting accustomed to a blended family arrangement.

Bringing Your Remarriage to Your Child

Rather than bringing your child into your second marriage, view the situation as presenting the idea of your remarriage to your kid. You and your child are a team. This line of thinking can increase their comfort and help you choose your words and actions carefully.

1. Communicate with Your Kid

Communication is essential to helping your child adjust to a second marriage. Some people will choose to avoid the subject, but doing so can often make your kid develop more negative feelings about the situation.

They may also feel that you don’t respect them if you choose not to communicate openly and honestly with them about something that will significantly impact their life.

Provide reassurance through words. Share why you want to marry your partner and explain how doing so will affect your family and what will stay the same. You can also address what happened in the last marriage, as your child may feel grief over loss or blame themselves for the split.

 

2. Talk to Your Fiancee

Talk with your fiancee as your child adjusts to the idea of a second marriage. Some partners may make assumptions about what their household will look like. Clarify your intentions to get on the same page.

Expressing your desires can feel like a big leap. However, putting aside discussions can bury incompatibility issues and set incorrect expectations. You owe it to your partner, your kid and yourself to keep everyone in the loop.

 

3. Bring Your Kid Into Planning

If you’re planning out your wedding, find ways to include your child. For instance, clothing should be easy to wear, so allow them to choose formal wear that’s comfortable for them.

You can assign them roles in the ceremony, like a flower girl or ring bearer. Acknowledge them in your vows to emphasize that you’re excited for a life with all your loved ones.

 

4. Set Small Trips

Get your child to bond with your chosen life partner through bonding experiences like trips. Spending time is imperative to get along with one another. Take their shared interests in mind so they can enjoy the outing, too.

For instance, if your child and soon-to-be spouse both love nature, arrange a hike or picnic. Going out together can give your kid insight into your happy and healthy relationship.

 

5. Give Your Child Time

Some kids will get along with a parent’s partner immediately, but others can take time. Remember to keep things slow and natural. Look out for cues and follow your child’s pace. Pushing kids will discourage them from voicing their worries out of fear and discomfort. Letting them have control can strengthen your relationship.

 

6. Always Consider Timing

Sometimes, your kid is preoccupied with something else in their life. Maybe they have an exam they’re trying to study for. Perhaps they have a big game coming up. When arranging these get-togethers, always consider the timing and find a schedule that works. If you have to force interaction, it can add even more stress.

 

7. Avoid Confrontations

Emotions can run high between parents and kids. You and your partner may also have snap with one another, especially when under stress.

Try to avoid confrontations and forbid ultimatums from each side of the family. If a conflict occurs and it gets too heated, opt for a break before working it out.

 

8. Check In With Your Kid

Check in with your kid one-on-one from time to time. Rather than reading their mind about how the adjustment is going, ask them how they’re feeling. Maybe they’re warming up or have questions about taking your partner’s last name or addressing them. Let them know they can approach you with any concerns or requests.

 

9. Have Nonchalant Days

While it can be healthy to talk about the second marriage, there should still be days when you can skip talking about it. You are still a parent to your little one, and getting married does not change that, so catch up with them.

Ask them about how their days are going. Take them out on dates where it’s only you and them and engage with their interests. Make them feel loved.

 

Beginning a Healthy Blended Family

Parents don’t necessarily need their kids’ approval of their marriage, but it can be good to have your child open up and accept your decision. Seeing them happy for you is reassuring. You can breathe easier knowing your new family will grow closer even after the wedding.

 

 

Author Bio: Oscar Collins is the editor-in-chief at Modded, where he writes about a broad spectrum of topics. Follow him on Twitter @TModded for frequent updates on his work.

 

 

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