How to Create Your Perfect Guest List

Ah, the guest list. The awful, dreaded, cumbersome guest list. At first, it sounds like one of the more enjoyable duties on the wedding checklist. After all, you're inviting your best friends to the biggest party you'll ever throw. You feel like you are in complete control, divvying out exclusive invitations to an "insiders-only" guest list. The rude awakening comes when you realize that other people have an opinion about who is considered an "insider." These people usually come in the form of your fiancé, your parents, your future mother-in-law, and let's not forget—your one bridesmaid who may or may not have dated your fiancé's best man once upon a time.

As the suggestions and opinions and "plus one" requests begin to pile up, "exclusive" suddenly seems like an open invitation—only at your expense. Your wedding begins to feel out of your control. Stop right there. Rewind. And let's start over.

Let's begin by determining, ideally, how many people you and your groom would like to invite to the wedding. This will be heavily dictated by your venue of choice and its seating capacity. Next, determine who the financial players are. Are your parents and in-laws contributing? If so, they typically have a "right" to invite a certain number of guests. Many brides/grooms find it helpful to break this down into percentages. The bride and groom may own 50 percent of the guest list while each family has privileges to 25 percent of the list, respectively. For example, if it's decided that you want approximately 200 guests at your wedding, you and your fiancé will invite 100 people, while each set of your parents will invite 50 people. Of course, that percentage doesn't have to be 50/25/25, either. It really all depends on your family dynamic and your financial situation. Have the conversation with your significant other early on. When you both determine a venue, budget and thus, "ideal" number, present that to both sets of parents. It gives a solid starting point for everyone to work with.

Next, it's time to start drafting your individual guest list while your fiancé does the same. As you are deciding the list, write down all of your essential people right away, i.e. family members and closest friends. Once those people are predetermined, you can branch out to other guests. Some create "tiered" guest lists in which you create a hierarchy of guests based on their relationship to you. Family falls in the first tier, closest friends fill up the second tier, casual friends make up the third tier and perhaps, co-workers and acquaintances are in the fourth tier, and so on.

A good rule of thumb to start out with is to ask yourself a series of questions about each individual guest. Have you talked within the past year or do you keep in touch? Does your fiancé know this person? Can you imagine your once-in-a-lifetime wedding without this person? Do you see this person socially outside of work?

Once you decide on your individual guests, it's difficult to decide who gets a plus one and who does not. Some guidelines that may help include asking whether you have hung out with the invitees as a couple, the status of the relationship (i.e. are they engaged, married, or very serious?), or if the one guest will know plenty of other guests to be comfortable attending single. Some people opt to hold an open dance reception where plus one's can attend after the dinner reception.

Something to keep in mind is that on average, about 80 to 85 percent of invited guests will actually RSVP "yes." With that said, it's okay to invite more people than your "ideal" number. This statistic varies based on how many out-of-town guests you invite or if your wedding falls on a Friday or holiday. As you receive "cannot attend" RSVP's, you can begin to invite others in the other tiers.

Looking for a way to manage your guest list and RSVP's? Sign up as a WeddingDay bride and download WeddingDay's guest list manager to keep track of invited guests, RSVP's, addresses, food choices and more!