Planning a Perfectly Imperfect Wedding: 4 Lessons Learned

When I embarked on planning our wedding last year, I have to admit I was no stranger to the concept.

I knew what I was getting into. The money we could spend elsewhere. The stress. The concept of getting so caught up in wedding planning that we lose sight of what really matters. But I also knew that Eric and I really wanted to share an incredible weekend celebrating with our closest loved ones.

This post isn’t about how to set your budget, work with vendors, negotiate deals, or how Pinterest will eventually destroy us all (for another time). It’s just a few simple lessons learned from a newly married woman who managed to pull off a pretty awesome wedding (I may be biased). And by the way – you can do it, too.

1. You will surprise each other with what you care about.

Obviously, you both care about the wedding. But you may be surprised by what will evoke strong opinions from yourself and your betrothed. I was lucky to have a very laid-back groom. I ran m̶o̶s̶t̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶s̶ everything by him, but usually had the green light to make executive decisions. Cake was not high on my priority list, so when I started choosing designs and flavors without consulting him, I didn’t think anything of it. Unbeknownst to me, he was looking forward to cake tasting and had some great ideas! I felt awful for not including him.

When it was all said and done, our cake, cupcakes, and cake pops were a huge hit and we were both really happy. Make a list of your “This is important to me!” items and cross-check them for similarities and differences early on to avoid wasting time or hurt feelings.

2. You can get by with a little help from your friends. And their stuff.

People want to help. LET THEM. Now I just need a time machine to go back six months and say that to myself. I had an all-star team of bridesmaids, friends, and family ready to pitch in at any moment, but I waited way too long to s̶h̶a̶m̶e̶l̶e̶s̶s̶l̶y̶ ̶u̶s̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶m̶ask them for help. My bridesmaid Anneliese’s handwriting could be a font. Our friends Erica and Tyler are a dynamic duo in the décor and DIY department. Morgan can paint letters without stencils (she’s basically magic). And in the final weeks leading up to the wedding, the most critical help you can ask for is time. So ask.

And “Something Borrowed?” That should be changed to “Many, Many Things Borrowed.” Vintage doors on Craigslist go for $40, but the ones I found in my Matron of Honor’s basement went for $0. We fretted about blowing up our budget with platters for the dessert table, finally broke down and asked around, and within a week our dining room table was laden with stunning server ware and cake stands.

It’s not only free - borrowing makes everything more special. I scoured Etsy for a simple and inexpensive Ringbearer pillow before my mom presented me with the prettiest one I’d ever seen – which was from my parents’ wedding 46 years ago. I questioned how much to spend on a bridal purse before Eric’s mother lent me a vintage sequined clutch, which I considered priceless. Borrowed = better.

3. There’s no crying in wedding planning. Except when there is.

I consider myself pretty grounded. When I would feel stressed about the wedding, I would beat myself up about it. This ended up being somewhat of a double whammy. My internal dialogue would go like this: “You are being that bride that you swore you would never be. First World problems, much? You aren’t sleeping at night because you need to pick a tablecloth color? Oh, your life is just so hard. WHY ARE YOU BEING SUCH A TERRIBLE PERSON?”

Eric and I were very cognizant throughout the process that our marriage was not about this one day, but all the days after. But guess what? We still had to plan a wedding and it was still pretty darn stressful! So after I bottled it all up and unleashed tears (legit tears) at a nice restaurant in front of my fiancé, my future mother-in-law, and one very confused and surprised waitress, I learned that it was OK to be a little stressed. It was OK to care a little bit about these seemingly ‘”insignificant” matters. I will be the first to tell you that you do not need Chiavari chairs, but that they looked really, really pretty at our reception. And I learned to share more of my stress with my fiancé.

4. Be Intentional.

The day goes by so fast. Everything is a blur. You won’t even get to eat or drink. You don’t get a chance to see every guest. Enjoy every moment. Soak it all up. These words of wisdom are totally cliché and totally accurate.

So my best advice is to be intentional about making this the day you want it to be. It’s one of the few times in your life that you can be o̶b̶n̶o̶x̶i̶o̶u̶s̶l̶y̶ a little bit selfish. If you want to dance to your favorite song, go dance to your favorite song! If you want a drink, tell someone to get you a drink! If you want to grab your husband to sneak away to the mezzanine for some marital making out and to secretly judge your guests’ dance moves (highly recommend this one), do it.

Our wedding was beautiful. It wasn’t perfect. But it was. It was full of nerves and tears and laughter and dancing and love and so many special moments that will always be ours. For us, every minute of planning was worth it, and I wish the same for you. Good luck!