Traditional Maid-of-Honor Duties

Congratulations! You have been selected as the maid of honor in your sister's/cousin's/best friend's/college roommate's upcoming wedding! After you have finished celebrating by jumping up and down with the bride-to-be, suddenly, the reality and expectations of all the maid-of-honor responsibilities come crashing down on your parade.

How much will I have to spend? How much time is this going to take? Am I planning a bachelorette party in Vegas? Am I in charge of the other bridesmaids? Can I give my honest opinion when the bride asks?

It is true; the maid of honor title doesn't just come with honor, it comes with responsibilities. If you're concerned about the financial responsibilities or the time commitment that weigh on your shoulders, talk with the bride. Find out what her expectations are for you, and in turn, let her know what you can realistically deliver. There are usually two types of brides: ones that like to be involved in every aspect of planning and like being in control, and ones that are really counting on assistance from family and the wedding party. It's typically a REALLY good idea to identify which bride you're dealing with early on in the planning process.

As a general guideline, we've gathered some of the traditional duties that are expected of the maid of honor.

Overseeing the other bridesmaids

This can be one of the most difficult duties that you are tasked with. There's a fine line between being a bossy bridesmaid on a power trip, and being an organized leader that thrives on efficiency. (Just so we're clear, we highly recommend you lean away from the bossy, power-tripping bridesmaid route). Organizing the other bridesmaids involves keeping them informed and up to date about dress fittings, pre-wedding events, gifts for the bride, and any other necessary information about the needs of the bride. Having an email or Facebook thread between bridesmaids helps keep everyone organized and allows everyone to get to know each other if they don't already!

Accompanying the bride during wedding dress shopping

In theory, we like to think that wedding dress shopping is one of the best parts of planning a wedding. Brides are on a mission to finally find their dream dress. It sounds like an absolutely lovely way to spend the day. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't. You are there to provide support, reassurance and an honest opinion. Tread lightly here, it's not where you give your personal opinion about the bride's dress style. If you're her maid of honor, you know her style and what she feels most beautiful in. That's the kind of opinion you give her, not that you, personally, hate lace and bows. Have you ever spent a day at the mall trying on jeans? Does anyone really like trying on clothes? Nope, they don't. Be a source of encouragement, even if she's on dress number 87. And when it comes time to find the perfect bridesmaid dress, you're going to have to mediate the opinions of the bridal party. This is when you channel everything you've ever learned in yoga class.

Planning the bachelorette party

No doubt, this was your first and foremost thought when you were awarded the maid of honor title. Visions of Las Vegas, little black dresses, pretty-in-pink drinks and games galore were dancing in your head. Let's go back to “there are two types of brides.”There are two kinds of bachelorette parties: crazy and classy. Be cognizant of which type of party your bride would most enjoy. In most cases, the maid of honor sends invites, plans a theme, coordinates guests and creates an itinerary. If you're on a budget, look for DIY invites, games and prizes. Of course, don't hesitate to enlist the help from the other bridesmaids.

Assist with prewedding tasks

This is where you become a valuable resource for your bride. From stuffing invites to creating floral arrangements and from providing input to being a shoulder to cry on, this is on you. No, you don't have to do everything, but as a general rule, it's expected that you support your bride as much as possible.

Help out during the ceremony AND the reception

During the ceremony, the maid of honor makes sure that the bride's train and veil are properly in place before she walks down the aisle. Also, she will hold the bride's bouquet during the exchanging of the vows. And later, she will have the privilege of signing the marriage license as a witness.

We know what you're thinking: “helping out during the reception seems like it will infringe upon my ability to take advantage of the open bar.” As they say in Spiderman, “With great power, comes great responsibility.” We're kidding. But you should plan to provide crisis management, play hostess, collect gifts at the end of the night, look after the bride, and make a toast during dinner. Don't forget, you have a team of bridesmaids that can help you with all of your duties and after the formal events wind down, you'll have plenty of time to party!

Beyond the wedding, the maid of honor usually attends the gift opening the next day, and records which gifts came from who (this responsibility applies to showers and bachelorette parties, as well)! You also may also be put in charge of the wedding gown if your bride takes off to her honeymoon right away.

This is just a basic consensus of traditional maid-of-honor duties. It's not a list to do or die on. The point is, there's a reason the word “honor” is in the title. Your bride trusts you and loves you. Try to meet her reasonable expectations and be honest with her if you can't.