Bridal Showers: Then and Now

PROLOGUE

A wedding shower is a celebration distinguished by the showering of love, good wishes and gifts for a couple's upcoming marriage. Traditional wedding shower styles of the past have guided our way as we have moved into our current trends of themed, couple, activity and destination wedding showers. As with all traditions, bridal showers have a long standing history behind it. I thought you might enjoy a bit of that history!
 

HISTORY

Legend tells us that the long tradition of the bridal shower originated in the Netherlands in the 1890s. "The Shower" started as an alternative to the dowry. Friends and family would put small gifts in parasols that were opened over the bride's head. According to popular belief, a young Amsterdam girl fell in love with a good hearted, but penniless mill operator. The miller had spent most of his life helping those needier than himself, which had left his life full of friends and loved in the community.

Because of his generosity, he had few material things to offer his betrothed at the time they were ready to be married. When the bride's father heard that she intended to marry the poor mill operator, he was furious and to dissuade her, the girl's father refused to give her the customary bridal dowry. He believed that this would encourage her to wait for a suitor with more money and higher social standing.

The young bride decided that the threat of poverty did not matter and proceeded to marry her warm-hearted miller. Without a dowry, the couple had very little and was nearly penniless. The community came together to show appreciation for the miller's kindness to others over the years and with the help of many kind townspeople, the groom's friends "showered" the new bride with necessities for the couple's home. Despite her father's short-sighted ill will, the bride was able to acquire what her father had denied her-everything she needed to set up her new home.

From this story, we have learned a long-standing tradition of the "showering" of gifts from a couple's family & friends has stood the test of time. Thus withering at the same time, was the old-fashioned dowry a young woman had received from her family to set up her home. It has been said that early bridal showers focused on strengthening the bride's friendship with her community who offered personal support and assistance in the wedding preparation. These traditions are often forgotten at today's bridal showers, where gift giving tends to take center stage.
 

TIME FRAME AND HOSTING

Preferably, showers take place two months to two weeks before the wedding. Any friend of the bride or groom may offer to host a shower but more often one of the attendants may offer to host, however they are not required to. It has been said that the couple's immediate family members and mothers should not host a shower, as doing so can appear self-serving. A lot of mothers are very involved with helping plan this celebration-so accept offers graciously, and give a small gift or heartfelt note in thanks of their thoughtfulness.
 

MULTIPLE SHOWERS AND GUEST LIST

The shower guest list is generally made up of close friends and family of the bride and groom. Everyone invited to a shower should also be invited to the wedding. For those planning on hosting the bride a shower, it is wise to ask the bride if anyone else will be hosting another party; if so, it may be wise to consider contacting the other host(s) directly, in an effort to plan varied themes and guest lists. Since the hostess is the person paying for the party and providing the space, she should be consulted of the number of guests invited as a courtesy. It is a good idea to register prior to the actual date of the shower so the guests can purchase presents that are in keeping with the bride's needs. Please note: Guests who are invited to more than one shower should not be expected to give a gift at each one-one gift is acceptable.
 

THEMES AND TRENDS

While no theme is required for a bridal shower, a hostess may choose to design the festivities based on the bride's interests, including food, decor, and gifts from guests. Themes work well for brides/couples who already have their basic necessities, or for those with a hobby that they're passionate about together. Themes can also make planning easier with regard to the added details such as invitations, food, gifts, entertainment, music and games (example: If the couple is honeymooning in Italy-have a pasta party to set the mood). Couple showers have become more popular than ever. They tend to be more in the direction of an evening party with focus on cocktails & food. However, many couples view them as a great way for all their friends, family and wedding party to interact prior to their wedding day. Primary activities at any shower should be eating, laughing and gift-opening but also consider having a golf outing, cooking classes, afternoon barbeque, wine tasting or a day at the beach-it is an excellent icebreaker for guests who do not know each other. Destination showers are also fun for a more intimate celebration with the couple's closest family and friends. It can be a couples' event or a girls' retreat.

Most of all a shower should be relaxed and fun! Keep it simple and remember it has been said that bridal showers are given simply to shower love, good wishes and gifts for a couple's upcoming marriage.