Should You Invite Children to Your Big Day?

The picture is clear as I remember the 8 year old boy in his two piece navy suit with his little tie loosened commanding full attention. He took center stage as he wildly danced to "She's a Brick House!" Everyone laughed and smiled at the beginning, but as his parents restrained him during the special dance moments of the evening, it moved to just plain irritating!

In another image from my memory, the couple lit their unity candle and looked deeply into one another's eyes as the vocalist sang. In the background, a toddler screamed "No! No! Noooooo!" as his father struggled to carry him from the church. Unfortunately, he needed to be removed from the building. We spent the next several minutes watching his poor mother squirm with embarrassment as she held their infant daughter praying that she would not start fussing, also.

The reality is that kids really will be kids. The expectation for kids to act as little adults for extended periods of time through a ceremony and a reception is unrealistic. Additionally, you have little or no control over how they will behave or how their parents will respond to their misbehavior. If your plan includes any assumptions such as, "I'm sure they wouldn't let their kids be out of control," you will likely be disappointed.

So, how do you decide?

Begin by being honest with yourself. Do you want to share attention on your wedding day with children? Are you going to be ok with some distractions? Do you want this to be an adult celebration or a family celebration?

If you decide this is an event that will include children, there are a few things you can do to make it a more enjoyable experience. Instruct your ushers to seat guests with small children on an aisle. You can prepare your ushers with the following statement so they can be most helpful to your guests, "I'll seat you at this aisle seat so if your little ones get fussy, you can leave easily." At the reception, have some coloring books and crayons available to help pass the time during the slower parts of the evening.

If you decide this is an adult only event, the next step is to tell your guests. The best method is simply and directly through following wedding etiquette about addressing wedding invitations. Both the outer and inner envelopes should be clear that children are not included. If it is a single parent where there could be confusion, you can specifically state, "Mary Smith & Adult Guest."

This would also be one of the many reasons to have a wedding coordinator or some bold friends who will assume the title if needed. If an RSVP is received back with more than the expected number of people, the coordinator will make the call on behalf of the couple. They will need to communicate gently but firmly, "We received the RSVP, and that's wonderful that you will be able to attend! We noticed on your reply that 4 people will be attending, so I assume you are planning to bring your children? Unfortunately, this is an adult only event, so I apologize for the lack of clarity." If they are challenged or asked for an explanation, they will simply repeat that the couple desires this to be an adult only event. True, some people may not attend for this reason or may have hurt feelings, but they will likely be few.

After all, it is your Wedding Day!