The Modern Groom's Role in Wedding Planning

In olden days, the basic duties of the groom were to get dressed in what the bride had chosen and show up – on time! Today many brides and grooms are sharing the responsibilities of wedding planning and of the events of the wedding day itself. How do men navigate the waters of wedding planning? How do you know what is expected and what to do?

First of all, remember that your fiancée has probably been dreaming about this day longer than you have and will be wrapped up in the wedding plans from the day you propose to the wedding. So your number one is job is to be loving and supportive, calm and collected in her quest to plan the perfect day. I found this great advice on the blog benthegroom.com: “When it comes to the groom’s opinion, the bride either needs it, is curious about it, or doesn’t want it at all. Stating your opinion is walking on dangerous grounds for any groom, but keeping your mouth shut can be just as risky. My advice is: wait until she asks, state your real opinion once, and support all of her suggestions.”

So as you are being supportive and agreeable – what are your main planning duties as a groom? The first and foremost duty is to help get the guest list together. Make a list of family, friends and co-workers to invite. The size of your guest list will go a long way in determining your wedding budget and venue so this is the first job to get done. After you have the list, start right away on obtaining addresses for all invitees. In the age of texting and email, it is amazing how difficult and time consuming it is to get a physical address for the invitation. Do this early and save headaches later on.

Once you have a guest list in mind, meet together with both families (if possible) to talk about the wedding budget and who will pay for what. This is best done over food (and possibly a touch of alcohol) to lessen the awkwardness of talking about money. (Actually this is a great tip for all stressful wedding planning activities – adding food seems to make things smoother!) Back to budget – decide on 3 splurge items that are very important to you and your bride and then try to save on other budget items. Decide what you as a couple will pay for and what each family is willing to contribute.

The other biggest duty of the groom is to plan (or help plan) the honeymoon. Many couples wait until the end of the process (when they have money saved) to plan the honeymoon. But it is better to meet with a travel agent early to get the best rates and packages. You don’t have to pay for the whole honeymoon up front but can put down a deposit to get more for your money if you plan ahead.

In the months leading up to the wedding day, dedicate more time to physical and mental health and style. Eat right and exercise more. You will look better in your tux in pictures and have more energy for all the added activities. Plan date nights every so often where all wedding talk is prohibited. These evenings will remind you both of why you’re getting married in the first place and help you focus on the big picture and not the myriad of details. Other special touches that will help make your bride feel special on her wedding day include: taking dance lessons so that your first dance is memorable, plan for your wedding night by reserving the hotel room and slip an extra key to your wedding planner to have candles, rose petals, drinks and munchies waiting for you after the reception. Put thought into a special gift to give her on your wedding day. She has already seen the tux you will be wearing but surprise her with a new cologne as she meets you at the altar so you smell as good as you look!

Remember it is not how much you are involved in the planning but more about your attitude when you are involved. Help her make the big decisions and then help her not sweat the small stuff. Make “To Do Lists” with your friends and show her how much you both have accomplished by crossing things off when she gets overwhelmed. Your wedding will be the beginning of your new life together and your support through the process will speak volumes to your fiancée about the kind of husband you will be for years to come.