Wedding Planner Q & A: Budget Bride Etiquette - Anne Landis

WeddingDay has reached out to leading area wedding planners for advice, answering your top questions and helping make your wedding "recession-proof," fabulous, and unforgettable, no matter your budget! Our wedding planners took on a myriad of issues from planning the size of your guest list to knowing what not to skimp on. As always, WeddingDay is here to help plan your perfect wedding-log on to weddingday-online.com to send us your questions.
 

Q: IS IT OK TO SEND SAVE THE DATE CARDS OR INVITES THROUGH EMAIL?

A: For centuries, tradition has ruled supreme and wedding planners have been forced to reconcile their weddings' every detail with the rules of etiquette. Yet today's bride is faced with options and choices not dreamed of just a few decades ago. As the Internet's many advantages have begun to permeate most every aspect of wedding planning, a single question has been popping up more and more: can I use the Internet for my wedding invitations? It's an interesting idea, one with the potential to save a lot of time and money; however, one big question remains. Is it acceptable? Considering the potential benefits, it's certainly a question worth asking, and some compelling arguments can be found on both sides.

First and foremost, if etiquette is particularly important to you, or to the people who will be receiving your invitations, this is not the right choice for you. Trying to compile all of your guests' current email addresses can be a daunting task and not everyone is online. Unless you know for a fact that you can get your email invitation to everyone who should receive one, this is not a good option. You never want to offend family and friends when planning a wedding.

There is no question about there being a huge savings and this is certainly compelling argument. In the end, whether it's traditional, or modern, what matters most is that the bride and groom have the wedding they desire. The best advice I can give is don't worry too much about tradition and etiquette; rather, spend the time planning the wedding of your dreams and maybe make some traditions of your own along the way.

Q: IS IT OK TO REGISTER FOR CASH? CAN YOU SET UP AN ACCOUNT TO HELP WITH HONEYMOON EXPENSES OR THE DOWN-PAYMENT ON A HOUSE?

A: Although it has been widely considered inappropriate to ask for money-yes, it's perfectly okay to encourage guests to help with any gift that would be most meaningful to you. It's always acceptable for a guest to give a gift of money (usually in the form of a check) if they wish; the difference now is that couples are the ones requesting money. Spread your preference by word of mouth, making sure that your wedding party, along with your close friends and family, know what you'd like. Say something like, "We would love anything you choose, but we are hoping to work toward a down payment on our first home and would love help with that.?"

It is best when requesting money to let guests know what the funds are going toward-your honeymoon, your first home, furniture sets. Many people feel more comfortable if they know they are giving toward a tangible gift, rather than padding a bank account. If saying "money" or "cash" feels too awkward to you, you can instead say "help with" "donation" or "contribution." While some people may regard this as a thinly veiled attempt to ask for money, it is becoming more acceptable to do this. Just remember that ultimately, the choice of gift is always up to the giver. Some people may not be comfortable giving a donation to a less-traditional gift. Be sure they know that you value their gift as much as anyone else's.

Q: HOW DO YOU NEGOTIATE THE FINANCIAL OBLIGATIONS OF WEDDING ATTENDANTS?

A: Generally, Wedding attendants are expected to pay for their own wedding-day attire (shoes and jewelry included). If you think the cost is going to be an issue, voice your concerns early with sensitivity to their financial situation and ask if the cost is within their means. Hopefully, the bride can select a dress that's reasonably priced, or consider letting bridesmaids choose own from a list of options you provide with some color/style requirements (i.e., black and ankle length), and then each would choose something that suits their financial standards.

Attendants are also responsible for paying their own way, for accommodations, just as they pay for their attire and transportation. The bride's family may be able to reserve a block of rooms at a discounted rate, which will help save on cash, but typically, just know that they shouldn't be expected to pay for any accommodations. Sharing with one (or two) of the other bridesmaids is another way to cut costs. If the bride wants her attendants to have their hair and makeup done professionally, it's a nice gesture for her to offer to pay for these services on the morning of the wedding. The attendants are already paying for their dresses and-if they don?t live in the wedding city-for travel and accommodations. You should not be expected to pay for professional hair and makeup as well.

However, the bottom line should be this; if the bride and groom have the money to spare, paying for the attire or accommodations is a generous gesture that is sure to thrill your attendants.

--Anne Landis has been the Director of Events for Morris Park Country Club for over six years, overseeing the Special Event and Club Event Departments. Her expertise and practical advice as a Professional Wedding Planner has served the Northern Indiana Community for over a decade.